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In my first moments, his eyes were some of the first I ever saw, a crinkled gaze that only seemed to provide warmth, hope, and life. Within those first minutes of meeting, he said he heard my breath and knew he would love me until his very last.
Whenever I reflect at the life I have lived, my first memories revolve around his face, his voice. The long drawn out switchbacks in which we would take wrong turns, extending what was a small walk into an excursion that rivaled most; he just wanted to spend more time with us. The loud drives to his office, music blasting while wind froze our cheeks, where he paraded us around with a grin bigger than life itself; he was proud of us from the moment we opened our eyes. And the hugs when I finally let the tears fall on his shoulder; gentle words of safety and comfort. This is not just a father, it is a man.
Deeper than these memories is the truth of who this man is: a man that would sacrifice his life within the seconds of a heartbeat if given the chance. A man who chose love, not because of its ease, but because of its greater reward. A man who lost a mother, a father, and felt loved by neither.
See, when we talk about unconditional love, some may laugh and joke that such a thing is built off of a daydream: those people have yet to meet my father. A love so deep and unconditional that it points back to the One who made it all in the beginning.
When people ask, “Who is your role mod-?” My father. It's immediate and an almost unconscious answer to such a profound question. He is the one that carried me to bed when I fell asleep, because I felt safe enough to let him keep watch. The one I look to for guidance when the world becomes dark. The one who brings my deepest laugh to the surface. The one I now proudly parade around to my friends and say, “Look! This is the man who loved me more than anything.” Is that not unconditional love? To see a man burned by what once was, lay down his life and future without hesitation if only to bring a smile to his sons' face?
When I loudly explained, “I want to be an astronaut!” I wasn’t met with steel, but arms that lifted me higher to the sky so that I might one day touch the moon. When I rushed in saying, “I want to become a swimmer!” I wasn’t met with doubt, but a man who rushed to find a team. Yet, this isn’t a man burdened by duty or requirement, but by blessing and honor. “If not me, then who?” He would say. As if my existence alone has satisfied his heart’s desire.
So, when I think of being a man, I think of my father. When I think of being a husband, I think of my dad. When I think of love, I think of the love I was given from the second I took my first breath. Because I know his love will not change until his last.
